Frustration, Irritation

OK, so I've been having trouble getting my pics to upload...so no new pics for a while. Anyway, Easter is this weekend and as usual I have myself spread as thin at Tori Spellings waistline. Friday I am hopefully going to pick up my cousin from the other side of the state. It's his birthday that day but I HOPEFULLY can talk him in to coming on that day. Saturday is Bunnyville and Church at 7pm. I am going on Saturday evening b/c Sunday would be almost impossible. I am spending most of the day on Sunday in Hoopeston with Nathaniel's family. He told me that if I give up spending Christmas with my family we could spend all day Easter with mine. Of course I am not going to give up Christmas with my family. We made a deal to spend Christmas Eve with his Family and Christmas day with mine. His family has a big to-do on Christmas Eve with all the presents, bells and whistles. So, it only makes since to spend all day Christmas Eve with them and give Christmas Day to mine. AHHHH!! Am I rambling yet?! Then he said that if I really don't want to go to Hoopeston on Sunday I could spend Easter with my family but he was taking the girls to Hoopeston. Which means I wouldn't be with my girls on Easter. Has it occurred to anyone else that he was threatening me? I'd like to see him try and spend an ENTIRE day with the girls. I will not let that happen. He was pulling at my heart strings. He knows damn well that I would obviously be miserable ALL day in Hoopeston than spend a holiday away from my girls. The only thing that ticks me off about going to Hoopeston this weekend is the time difference-we're eating at 1pm IL time so that means 2pm IN time. That is right in the middle of the day. So I have Easter morning at home with the girls then off to Hoopeston by noon-no time with my family. I'm tired of all the crap anymore. I don't want to live life dreading holidays. I'm my mom's only kid and I'm the only one out of my dad's kids that shows up on holidays. So, my parents will be spending Easter without me and without their granddaughters.
We bicker all the time. Most days I would rather grab my girls and leave than sit in the silence. I feel like I'm screaming on the inside but putting on a happy face. Am I going crazy or am I already there?

Wow! So much has been going on since the last time I was on here. We've had Valentine's Day, my Mom's birthday, Nat's 1st school pictures and everything else in between. The biggest happenings have been Nathaniel NOT getting lay-off and my grandma's hospital stay. Nathaniel was very close to losing his job and by the graces of God he was not part of the 439 people who were laid off. This past Friday my Grandma thought she was having a heart attack while she was babysitting my girls. Thankfully, she was not but she was told to quit smoking or die. So, despite her minor mood swings I think she is doing OK. She misses Nat and Em and wants to see them almost everyday. Starting next week she can have them back again. I'm hoping to work some more hours out at Misty's bakery this spring. I love being there and I want to work for her if she needs me.
Nathaniel and I started marriage counseling this past Monday. Somewhere along the way we have managed to lose our spark. But two kids and working all the time can do that to a marriage. There is a little more to it but I'm not going to go in to it on here. Just wanted to let everyone know and wanted to ask for some prayers.
Here are a BUNCH of pics that I just have to show you!

Emi's Birthday Prty

Today we celebrated Emilee's 2nd Birthday with a small party of family and unexpected friends. The theme was Minnie Mouse and Strawberry Shortcake. Em had lots of fun running around and around with her sister, cousins and friends. When we all sang "Happy Birthday" to her she began to cry...so cute! We want to thank our family who came early to help and stayed late to clean up. Here are some pictures from the party! I especially like the one of my grandma in Minnie Mouse Ears!

Hooray! It's your Birthday Emmy!

Yes, it's true my sweet baby Emmy is officially two years old. I remember the day she was born. I wasn't due until the 19th, but as is her fashion she does everything her way and on her schedule. My Emilee-sweet, cuddly and at times meaner than a snake. She's rough with her not so rough older sister. I predict many nights of screaming and hair pulling between the two, but I also can already see the incredible bond that they have. Emmy always wants to know where her Sissy is and Natalee feels the same. I think it was harder on Emilee when Natalee started going to school this week than it has been for Natalee. Any who...rambling again...Here are some pictures of us four hanging out at the house for Emilee's birthday. We gave Emilee a little stuffed Tigger Toy-she loves him. Natalee tried to take it from her and Emilee said in her high pitched little voice, "No, Mine!" My baby is two-on to potty-training!

Enjoy the pics!Emmy always has her tongue hanging out-my Grandpa Ben use to do that all the time too! Here she is opening her present-she was pretty excited!!

Here she is checking it out and trying to show it to me. When she peeled the wrapping paper back she yelled, "TIGGER!" She was definitely showing him off now. She said, "Mommy, see? Tigger!" ~Sisterly Love~ She is so special to me. What a sweet face.

Emilee and her Daddy-They do kinda complete one another-She follows him everywhere! A bond that can never be broken. Sisters for life-live, laugh, love. She looks so silly in this picture-I think it's my favorite! Don't mind us-just doing as monkeys do-Just hangin' around! I think that this monkey is just a bit too tall for daddy to play this game anymore...Sorry Nat!

Natalee's First Day of Pre-School

It has happened. My darling daughter, Natalee Cara Jean, has started pre-school. I am broken up inside about it. On one hand I am extremely proud of her, but on the other hand she is my first born, my first daughter and I just don't know if I am ready to let her go just yet. She is doing so well in school-I know only day 2 right?! She is able to do things in the classroom that other children can not do. She was able to group items my shape and color today and find the match to that item. *I'm beaming with pride*Natalee is also very proud of herself. I'm trying to let go a little bit, but she is only three years old. I am still aloud to have a little bit of my baby left, right? The biggest surprise from all of this was the following conversation:

\Me: Okay, Nat. I'm going now-love you. I'll be back later to get you.

Natalee: OK c-ya

Me to her teacher: I can't believe she just told me "c-ya"

Teacher: it's OK you'll get use to it-wait til she's 15!

When I came to get her after the longest 2 hours of my life she cried b/c she didn't want to leave her school! At that point I was convinced that she hated me-until later that night she said the sweetest thing to me: "Mommy, I lub you-I miss you muches taday-I have fend ( friend)"

As she was saying this to me her smile was brighter than I have ever seen. Natalee needs a friend-besides me and and her sister.

Here are the two pics that she would hold still for before we left for pre-school.

The 1st pic she is showing off her back pack. The second pic is her best effort at a rushed smile.

Christmas 2008, Continued!

Okie-Dokie...So I still have some Christmas pictures to share and some from New Year's Eve. So here ya go!

Above are pictures from my Grandma's house on Christmas day. Top Left are my Aunt Lori and Natalee. Lori came home from Florida for Christmas this year with her two sons, Benton (18) and Mason(14). Top Right is my Uncle David. More recently he has started coming home more often and I LOVE IT! We have all missed him so much. Pictured bottom right would be my Grandma. It's very rare to catch her in any pictures-take that lady! Hahaha!

Lori standing behind Kelly being a goof...Kelly had no idea!

Emilee was feeding her baby while sitting with her favoriteThese are the "Hillbilly House shoes" that Kelly gave all of us older woman for Christmas this year. "Hillbilly House shoes" are pads wrapped one around the other...gross and funny all at the same time. Cracked my butt up!

My Grandma-best person ever-loves me no matter what-makes me laugh everyday-lets me cry when no one else has time to hear me-I love her.Kelly and Me. She was the closest thing to a sister I had growing up. We shared a bedroom and a life. I have always loved and admired her so much. Our shopping trips and silly talks. Her sisterly advice-even when I don't want to hear it-that I do appreciate. Fourteen years seems like just a few on most days..unless I want to rag on her for being *40*Left-Right, top-bottom: Natalee Jean, Jake Carlson, Amanda Jean, Shannon Mullins, Benton Grass, Emilee Jean, Tyler Mullins, Kinze Carlson, Mason Grass and Samuel Carlson- Cousins til the end.

The Love of my Life-Nathaniel. Constant support through out the past five years. I am indecisive, flighty, forgetful-and he still loves me. NO ONE ever thought we would last-to that I say HA! I am proud on most days to say he is not only my husband, but my friend. We fight like every couple about the same crap that all couples fight about-money, the kids, my lack of employment-which I absolutely hate, but we love each other, we love our kids and we have faith in ourselves and in God. I love this man and I am so proud to be his Wife.

Christmas with the Jean Family

I SURVIVED!! Yes, it's over! I survived the holiday madness!! It was all very enjoyable, but I am glad it's done with and I can move on to 2009. I predict this year will be a rough time for us economically, but I am hoping with support from our familes we will be sitting here a year from now and again I will be saying WE SURVIVED!

We started our Christmas holiday with a Christmas Eve Dinner and gifts with Nathaniel's family. We went to his mom and dad's house to celebrate with his sisters and their families. A new guest this year was Mr. Wally Brenner and we all welcomed him with open arms-make it wrk michelle, make it work! Natalee tore in to her gifts just as I had expected and Emilee was too tired to care. Emilee just wanted to bug her older cousins and she succeeded. Here are some pictures from the that evening:

Natalee was BURNING up in her mama and papa's house-wood heat! But she was actually excited about her Barbie that she can take a bath with-even though she doesn't look like it in this picture. Emilee was SUPER tired but she was still willing to unwrap some preseents

Later that night we went home and had prepared to unwrap one gift before bed with the girls. Unfortunately, Emilee crashed on us in the car so Nat opened her own gift and her sisters. NEW JAMMIES!! YAY!! I had prewashed them before wrapping them so they could wear them to bed on Christmas eve. TRADITION!

Natalee and her Jammies on the left and Nat telling me, "Jut a minit!" while she was opening her sisters gift. Natalee and Nathaniel opening Nathaniel's gift from mommy.

The nexy morning was everything I had hoped it would be. The girls came down the stairs and were so surprised. Natalee was upset that "Santa" had broken the cookie that she left for him. Natalee ripped in to her gifts and emilee got her self a slow start but finished strong. All of my gifts were on the walls. Three floating shelves for our living room and new curtains. To me, that was a good set of gifts. Isn't it crazy how you go from barbies to shelves in a span of 20 years?! BElow are some photos from Christmas morning at our humble home: